Caption Competition

Jonny: “I’m signing the contract Thom”
Thom(singing and strumming the guitar): “Starbucks and coffee, maple syrup and jam, yeah!”

Jonny “Let’s sign a record deal and finish the album.” Thom” No, let’s sit and have tea while I lecture you and the rest of the band on the dangers of global warming., No, wait i sing a delightful little tune to you and the band on my guitar, and you dictate”

“The new method of recording whilst taking a shite delayed the process indefinitely”

caption (not the most interesting, but i think accurate):

thom: “wAit, how does thaT one go aGAINnn??”
Johnny: -silence-

What IS the time signature on Pyramid Song?

THOM: “Jonny, should i shave my beard?”
JONNY: “Don

Thom: “… and then the dream gets REALLY weird.”
Jonny: [scribbles some notes] Hmm… I see. And how does that make you FEEL, Thom?

“Im so glad johnny didn’t ask me to pose nude for this sketch”

‘I am HUGE, and going to eat YOU!’

Thom couldn’t believe the rest of the band had voted over lyric-writing duties to Jonny.

Jonny: this homework is too hard, what’s 2+2 again?

Thom: ummm

jonny: Dear mom, how bout I come back home and finish my studies? This guy REALLY gets on my nerves…

“Don’t write this down Jonny, but I think I just played a brown note”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brown_note

Thom : “Jonny, are you responsible for this ‘Dead Air Spice’ ?”

Jonny “God damnit Thom, can’t you remember your own lyrics, why do I have to write them down! Where the hell is my guitar?”

Thom: wait….. why AM i in this band?

thom (singing): “why so green and lonely?”
johnny (writing): “because, once again, you wore the same shirt as me—you unoriginal bastard.”

thom: “so, wait. a starbucks dollar for every copy we sell AND these fabulous shirts?”
johnny: “mmm. yes. i’m going to sign before they come around and realize what they’ve done.”

Jonny: 2 pints of milk, loaf of bread

Thom: Don’t forget the Quorn steaks man

Jonny: Quorn steaks….Got it

“I don’t think i can hold this pose much longer, Jonny.”

“Is it not a bit hypocritical to have got our tops from Gap Thom?

I thought we were anti capitalism as a rule, you know our individual fortunes and mansions aside”

Jonny: Nigel called, he wants his beard back
Thom: the bbc called, and your fired

Dear Starbucks Coffee Inc.-

Thank you for your invitation to join your Hear Music label. However, we are currently not interested in signing. Thank you for your consideration. Love your spice cookies.

Sincerely,

Thom Yorke.

(Dictated not read.)

Thom waits for Jonny to finish his sudoku..

Thom: “Did I really agree to be a guest judge for next weeks American Idol?”

Jonny: “It all seems to be here. You really should lay off the drugs, Thom.”

Jonny: If you register at that stupid message board, i will sign this contract Thom, i’m not joking here!

Thom: But Jonny, it’s spleen weekend!

Music Therapy: The Bearded Guitar Sessions

thom: “i think this is how Oasis played it”. jonny:”fuck that thom, me and colin will take out liam and noel in a knife fight we love u that much thom”…..thom: “well okay cause they hurt my fellings, it’s like i have global warming in my heart and nobody is doing anything about it”.

wakka wakka!

UH johnny ….why did you really want us to dress alike today?

jonny: “what’s a five letter word for sneak?”
thom: “cre–fuck you”

(2+2)= (green genius’)/Lp7

Johnny (writing note)- Note to self: Thom has placed a live-feed hidden camera in my dressing room and is now playing mind games- I must find the camera and destroy it!

Jonny: OK Thom. I’ve wrote 2000-word essay on how good The Eraser. Can I pick up a guitar now?

Thom: Not yet. Write 2000 words saying how much a waste of time your Bodysong album was.

Thom: Can I move my face now?

Jonny: Wait Thom, almost got it….

for the last time jonny two plus two equals five!! not matter how many times you try and work it out!!

Radiohead frontmen Thom Yorke and Johnny Greenwood hard at work composing 2007 American Idol winner Sanjaya’s first single, “You Gotta be Kidding”.

Thom’s look grew more anguished as he struggled to hold the pose that Jonny had asked him to strike, just so he can finish his latest entry to Tony Hart’s viewer’s gallery…

Thom: Jonny, I forgot the lyrics… again!
Jonny: …

My lovely horse, running through the field
Where are you going, with your fetlocks blowing in the wind?

I want to shower you with sugar lumps, and ride you over fences
Polish your hooves every single day, and bring you to the horse dentist

My lovely horse, youre a pony no more
Running around with a man on your back, like a train in the night…

thom: “just do some doodles for the beard”

jonny: “i already did the beard. i’m doing your whiner”

Thom: You knew I was going to wear this t-shirt today, and you still went ahead and wore yours too…! Arrrgh now the song sounds crap!!!

Jonny: Dear Mum, thanks for the microwave baked cookies, we are all well except beadface who is really busting my balls today. Love Jonny x

-”Jonny… whats your favorite color?”
- “Polka Dot”

Thom : Jonny Writte this lyrics as i sing ….
Jonny: ok but you will do the same for me after!
Thom: yea (right… first off i need to clear that stupid rummor about starbucks)

thom: man, f*ck that oasis bloke
jonny: yeah, f*ck him

The new Radiohead uniforms have really opened up the creative floodgates for frontman Thom York and guitarist Johnny Greenwood, when asked to comment Yorke said, “They’re great, it’s great, you know, now I can stop fussing over looking good in front of Johnny and get down to the music.” Drummer Phil Selway had this to ad…”I like green.”

“Hey johnny, what’s the Esperanto word for matching green t-shirts?”

two prisoners serving their sentence, fed up of talking to each other.

“is this right?”

“Johnny, what’s this instrument called”

“I think it’s called a guitar”

“huh”

Thom: “…Now I know my A B C, won’t you come and play with me…”

Jonny: Getting better Thom, you only missed out 3 letters this time. Come on from the top again… When you get this we’ll be able to make the british charts. We’ll blow Jackson 5 right out of the water!!!

Jonny: (writing) Day 28, Thom is now convinced he is able to communicate with the moldy potatoe in the corner of the room, claiming that its telling him to change the name of the band to “The Singing Gooseberries”…

Thom: Isn’t it annoying how people keep misspelling your name with an h after the o?

Jonny: Yeah, people publicly posting misspellings of my name is really inconsiderate.

The test subject was made to hold a guitar, but he could not play it because he felt naked without professional musician’s ear plugs populating his auditory canal. The researcher attentively noted his observations.

Thom: Wow, I forgot what a guitar feels like…

Jonny: What’s a guitar?

“feverishly writing string scores”
thom is playing the part to hunting bears while singing “hunting bears” in a high register, jonny sometimes stopping to glare in his direction…

Jonny writting: Still can’t figure out which eye is looking at me…

Thom: Fuck you.

Thom: “Colin? Are you dead?”
Jonny: “I like to doodle-doodle with my noodle, la-la-la…”

Did I forget to have my tea and crumpets today?

thom: jonnny, i dont know why, but fuck i could go a steak right now.

(shit. i think i left the oven on.)

thom, “I wonder where’s jonny”
jonny, “I hope thom can’t see me, i’ve got to finish this ‘to-do list’. Number one thing on me list, ’start me to-do list’ “.

Thom : Jonny how does this sound ‘ One more cup of coffee before I go ‘
Jonny : Sorry mate Dylan got there first

“WOW_WOW WE”RE IN THE ARMY NOW”

jonny: so that guy at the table by the window wanted a latte while the guy with the mac ordered…

thom: damn jonny, i really didn’t think this whole starbucks thing would work out so well. i feel kinda stupid wearing these matching shirts though.

“How come every goddamn time I wear MY best goddamn green t-shirt Jonny just happens to saunter along in his own goddamn green tee?”

All work and no play makes Jonny a dull boy…
All work and no play makes Jonny a dull boy…
All work and no play makes Jonny a dull boy…
All work and no play makes Jonny a dull boy…
All work and no play makes Jonny a dull boy…
All work and no play makes Jonny a dull boy…

While Thom uses his guitar, Jonny uses calculus to attempt to solve the age old question of “If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it still make a sound?”
Deciding to cut to the chase, Colin, Phil, and Ed are out wandering around the woods.
Radiohead have decided that they will not continue recording until they know the answer.
Photo by Stanley Donwood, who prefers to draw trees instead of ponder them.

Jonny: I hate this Sudoku game!!!
Thom: Leave it Jonny… Just grab the Telecaster and lets make a Sigue Sigue Sputnik cover…
Jonny: Yeah!!! Can it be “Love Missile”?
Thom: No! Not that one!!! I don’t like missiles…
Jonny: Ok Thom!!! Can we play the Knight Rider theme instead??? Please Thom… Please…
Thom: Oh Jonny! Just forget it ok?… Finish the game and let me work…

Dear Ed, Colin, and Phil,
Hey guys! The album is going great! Thom and I are almost done with it. We’ll let you know when it’s finished so you can come take a listen. Right now Thom is trying to finish some lyrics but he can’t think of anything that rhymes with “Global Warming”. I have to go help him out. Take care guys, miss you,
-JG

Thom: “Global warming, starvation, war, politics, death, religion, genocide, euthanasia, murder, death, human injustice, racism, facism,…..”

Johnny; ” If i string my guitar upside down, and then play it backwards, then record it, reverse the tape, time stretch it….run that through the space echo and kaoss pad………divide the time time signature by 13.7, and……”

So the chorus to our cover of Mmmbop goes from C# to augmented F? hows about in between the 2 notes we place the toot of a bicycle horn?

Thom:”I keep growing my beard and you write on your pad so pensively. Are you thinking about my beard because I am. And someone with too much time on their hands is thinking about it too.” - Track 2 off the new album

For fuck’s sake Jonny…Put down the crossword puzzle, would you??? Pick up a fucking guitar and let’s finish “Arpeggi”! Just because we have no contract doesn’t mean we can keep the fans waiting.

This is not a guitar.

You call that a contract?!

The yin and yang of compositional thought process.

“No Jonny, for the uhm-teenth time, I’m not depressed! The chicks really dig my beard.”

Thom plays Open Pick acoustic to a local school class of under 5s.

Thom; “what do you mean you don’t get it?”

Jonny; “fucking soduku!!”

Thom: “so, we’ll call this one “caption competition” and they’ll never know we are thinking about it at the same time they’re thinking about what we’re thinking!”
Jonny: “i know… that’s like… so… DUDE! we ROCK!”

Thom: Hit me baby one more time!

“Jonny, when you’re done with the crosswords let me know cause we got to finish Arpeggi here.”

J:
What about this?
“I am beautiful no matter what they say,
Words can’t bring me down”
T:
Farken ‘ell! Brilliant!

Amazingly, the dwarf played him exactly the chord combination he was looking for

Thom; “I’m not sure it was such a good idea to shrink Ed”

Jonny; “shhh, I’ve almost got the formula to grow Phils hair”

Write 100 lines,”I will not have ideas of my own”

Jonny writes, “so why was Thom’s album The Eraser so much better received than my Bodysong?”

While Thom thinks, “Wait… i’m missing something. Oh that’s right! An arrangement for the rest of the band! I thought I was not going solo again…”

Thom : Fuck, is that a bug i see over there ???
Jonny : Amazing lyrics, go on… What’s the story around that ?

mortgages lender mortgage home lenders lender mortgage home

(I WIN!!)**

Jonny: ‘Oi Thom…5 letter word for “a detestable person”…erm…i thiiink it ends in a P…’

Thom: ‘emmmmm…FUCK i’m shit at those things!’

is that starbucks i smell?

“Same shirt, same jeans…
No one will ever know what they really mean…”

johnny: ‘i like pickles a lot, what do you think, thom, like, ‘

thom: (makes sound of porcelain dolls run over by giant steamlocomotives)

Thom: Jonny, I was just thinking, we might have added 2+2 wrong. You want to double check that?
Jonny(in his mind): Oh shit, 2+2 equals 4, not 5.

Dammit Jonny, i had the idea for matching green tees ever since Fake Plastic Trees, but you shot it down. Now look who’s laughing.

thom: “Ho Ho Ho!”
jonny: “what thom?”
thom: “erm, nothing.”

thom voiced his concern to the rest of the band that he feared jonny would never regain his voice and would forever have to communicate to them by writing everything down

Thom: “Jonny, what rhymes with Bush is a radioactive pig rolling around in his own destruction of the world while he feasts on vittles of the innocent?”

Jonny: “So I won’t be playing guitar on this one either?”

“Green shirts don’t make it.”

TEAMWORK!

Well, if they freed me from this prison,
If that railroad train was mine,
I bet I’d move out over a little,
Farther down the line,
Far from Folsom Prison,
That’s where I want to stay,
And I’d let that lonesome whistle,
Blow my Blues away.

Thom to Jonny:
“Hey Jonny…Can I rhyme shwarma with Karma?”

COMMENT:
Journal Entry - Day 4 of Jesus Camp -
The food’s great but “Kumbaya” is driving us mad.
Love, Jonny

thom: (15th record company interview) whas you gonna do for us that no one else aint.
RC: Well buy all five of you new chopper bycicles
jonny: can i get a life supply of gum. (to self: to stick in thoms hair when he’s sleeping and convince him i saw the milk man break in and scandusly do perverse things to him when he was sleeping)
thom: (to self: yea ok jonny when i found you, you were selling yourself for a stick’life supply of gum
out loud: yea and i want a life supply of you leaving me the fuck alone so get out.
cecord company #15:(leaving) eh those clowns r fucked

thom and jonny at work on the uk entry for the eurovision song contest.
thom-” right jonny now we have decided on the naff costumes write down these lyrics:-
disconnected, disjointed, accidental, sketchy…..”
as if…..

On a Friday….?!
man…

Jonny : Hey Thom..(Beavis & Butthead sniggering) Heh heh ..heh heh..look ..I drew a picture of Brittney Spears and me naked !..heh hehya ya..hehe

Thom : Cool ..he heh ya ya ..you dipstick..I wonder if shes wearing any underwear right now…he he hyah hyah.
…and both start sniggering together!

Thom puzzles: “I know you’re sitting right in front of me… but why are you so blurry?”

THOM - Oh…O my god, Jon! Jonny!
JONNY - Yeah?
THOM - Just take…take this down, okay, take this down…(strums/sings) Wee haaave….we have THE SAAAME GRREEEEEN SHIRRRT on…..and some JEEEEAAAANNNNssss….we do we do